My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
