when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I CAN MOONWALK!
someone owes me an orgasm
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
