you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
