Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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