i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
