Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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