Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
