I love black thongs
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
third nipple confirmed
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
