fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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