You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
