So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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