Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
