Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
