I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
