she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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