Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
