worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
