Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
