i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
