An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
