oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
