I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
