At least make sure they are 18
Why
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
