Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
