they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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