I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I got her a Nickelback box set.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
