dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
