So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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