Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
There r osticjed everywhere
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
