pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
