just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
