Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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