saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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