you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
