How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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