Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
