i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
