So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
