these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She's like a pop up book from hell.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
