i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Randomize
