Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
