new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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