We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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