I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
