Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
