I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
