Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
