We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
