It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
