Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
