Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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